7 Signs God Might Be Telling You They’re Not The One

So, you’re dating someone. It’s exciting, full of possibilities, and maybe you’ve even started to ask that huge, hopeful question: Could this be the one?

But alongside the butterflies, there’s another feeling—a quiet, nagging uncertainty you can’t quite shake. You want to honor God with your love life, but discerning His voice in the noise of emotion can be one of the trickiest things to navigate.

If you’re feeling stuck in that confusing middle space, take a breath. You’re not alone. Figuring out if a relationship is truly God’s best for you is a process of discernment. It’s rarely a lightning bolt from the sky and more often a series of gentle nudges, quiet whispers, and moments of clarity.

This isn’t a checklist to justify a breakup or a formula to get a guaranteed answer. Think of these signs as invitations from a loving God to pause, pray, and listen with an honest heart.

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A Quick Note on Discernment

Before we dive in, it’s important to approach this with wisdom. All serious relationships have moments of nervousness, and no person is perfect.

• Peace vs. Nerves: A spiritual lack of peace is a deep, persistent unease, not just the normal anxiety of commitment or a bad day.
• Red Flags vs. Imperfection: We are looking for consistent patterns of poor character, not isolated mistakes that someone is genuinely repentant for.
• Wise Counsel vs. Bad Advice: Make sure you’re listening to spiritually mature people who know you and want God’s best for you, not just friends who might be jealous or biased.

1. There’s a Deep, Unsettled Feeling (A Lack of Peace)

This isn’t about normal relationship jitters. This is a persistent, gut-level unease that lingers in the quiet moments. It’s a feeling in your spirit that something is just… off. The Bible promises that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). A profound lack of that peace is a significant spiritual signal.

• For example: They might be kind, attractive, and check all your boxes. But when you lie in bed at night and think about a lifetime with them, your heart doesn’t feel settled. Instead, there’s a quiet static you can’t seem to tune out.

2. They Gently Pull You Away From Your Faith

This sign is often subtle. The person you’re dating doesn’t have to be hostile towards your faith to pull you from it; they might simply be indifferent. The Bible wisely cautions against being partnered with someone heading in a different spiritual direction (2 Corinthians 6:14), as it can cause you to slowly, almost unconsciously, drift from what keeps you grounded.

• For example: Sunday mornings gradually shift from church to brunch dates. You find yourself praying less and talking less about what God is doing in your life. Without even realizing it, your spiritual fire has started to dim.

3. You Can’t Ignore Major Red Flags in Their Character

The right relationship should help you bear more good fruit in your life. As Galatians 5:22-23 tells us, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” When you consistently see patterns that are the opposite of this—like dishonesty, manipulation, uncontrolled anger, or a lack of integrity—pay close attention.

• For example: You notice they have a habit of telling small “white lies.” Or perhaps they speak disrespectfully about their parents or treat the waiter at a restaurant poorly. These aren’t just quirks; they are windows into their true character.

4. Your Core Values Are on Different Pages

Amos 3:3 asks a simple, powerful question: “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” While interests can differ, your core values—the non-negotiable pillars of your life—must align. If you are fundamentally at odds on faith, family, finances, and purpose, you’re setting yourself up for a future of deep conflict.

• For example: You feel a strong calling to live a life of generosity and service, while their main goal is accumulating wealth and status. This difference in your life’s mission will eventually cause a fracture.

5. The Wise People in Your Life Are Concerned

God places wise, godly people in our lives for a reason. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” When multiple trusted people who love you and love Jesus are lovingly expressing serious reservations, it’s worth paying close attention. Don’t dismiss their concerns; see them as God’s loving protection through community.

• For example: Your mentor, who has always supported you, gently asks you some hard questions. Or your parents express that they don’t feel a sense of peace about the person you’re with. When multiple godly people are seeing the same thing, listen.

6. You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You’re Not

In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). The right relationship should build up that new creation, not diminish it. A major warning sign is when you feel like you have to shrink, hide, or change fundamental parts of who you are to make the relationship work. You should feel free to be your whole, authentic, God-loving self.

• For example: You stop talking about your daily devotional because it makes them uncomfortable. You find yourself laughing at jokes that grieve your spirit. You look in the mirror and realize you don’t quite recognize the person you’re becoming with them.

7. There’s a “No” or a Silence in Your Prayers

When you ask God for wisdom, He promises to give it (James 1:5). Sometimes, His answer isn’t a booming voice but a persistent lack of confirmation. Instead of peace and a “green light” when you pray about the relationship, you might feel more confusion, anxiety, or just… silence. It can feel like you’re trying to force open a door that God is gently holding closed.

• For example: Every time you pray specifically for guidance about a future with them, you walk away feeling more confused than when you started. There’s no joy or sense of alignment, just a feeling of being spiritually blocked on the topic.

Turning Discernment into Action

Seeing these signs can be painful. But remember, God’s guidance is never to punish you; it’s to protect you and lead you to His best. If this article resonates, here are a few practical steps you can take:

• Journal It Out. Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Ask yourself honestly:
• In what ways do I feel closer to or further from God since this relationship began?
• When do I feel the most peace in this relationship? When do I feel the least?
• Am I becoming a better version of myself?
• Seek Wise Counsel. Be brave and invite a trusted, spiritually mature person into the process. You could start by saying, “I’m trying to be wise about my relationship, and I’d love to get your honest perspective on what you see.”
• Set Aside Time for Clarity. Intentionally set aside a specific period—maybe a week—for focused prayer (and even fasting, if you feel led) about this relationship. Step back from the noise and create space to truly listen for God’s voice.

Ultimately, be brave enough to trust the One who sees the full story. His redirection is always an act of love.

Grace Ellington

Grace believes beauty lives in simplicity. With a love for clean lines, calming tones, and intentional design, she shares tips for creating spaces that feel peaceful and effortlessly stylish. When she’s not curating her home, you’ll find her sipping tea, rearranging her shelves (again), or hunting for the perfect neutral throw.